International love: Destiny or Cliche

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“How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?”

Do I love? Or better yet, am I capable of love? Is it, perhaps, that I am constantly in love with the sociopath because I am, myself, one? Is it possible that, like the ocean, the slightest change in surface temperature can bring forth a wrath of unconquerable and deadly emotion, while the true heart and deepest parts remain calm and untouched?

I can name at this moment, 3 men I would happily throw away my whims and follow to the ends of the earth. One is like the brother I never had, and while I adore him; could never really think of him in a romantic way again. The complete lack of sexual attraction I have for him coupled with his complete happiness with a much better suited lass make the idea of a life with him, while idyllic (in that total fairy tale sense), ludicrous.

The second two I hardly know. One because I never really wanted to, and the other because there just hasn’t been time. One stands as an icon, and you cannot maintain an icon when you know them as a human.

Can I say I’ve really loved anyone? I have come to realization that perhaps I am in love with an idea. Perhaps I have just used a person that fits some description of my “perfect man” to idealize the man I want. If this is truly the case, it’s possible that a relationship with him would be completely disastrous and painful to both of us. If you have idealized a person for so long, is it possible that they have become nothing more than an icon? If this is the case, the reality of that person can be a very dangerous thing to both your own sanity, and theirs. If this is truly the case, I should stay as far away as possible.

Young love is of course, the best love. Not young as in the age of the persons in love (though love between young people is totally Hollywood beautiful), but young as in early stages of a relationship. The first few months are so peaceful and happy as you imagine a possible future with a person. You imprint upon this other human being the ideals you seek, and only later do you question why they have yet to live up to those standards.

Young international love is even better. Like something straight out of a Victorian romance, the young lovers kiss on a bridge overlooking iconic images of foreign lands, and then the image fades. What happens next? Of course we all imagine that our young hero and heroine live happily ever after, but that is the story, the romance. Where does reality step in? In reality, can they live together? Are they going to figure out that they are completely unsuited for each other? Who is going to break whose heart and what life decisions will have suffered because of it?

It is often said that legends all began with truth. Does it then follow that clichés are such because they happen often? The cliché goes something like this. Young female traveler meets the man of her dreams in a café in some exotic foreign land. What follows is a whirlwind love affair topped off with passionate kiss as fireworks memorialize some holiday she doesn’t even know the name of.

Well, in my experience, we met in front of a theater; and the fireworks memorialized the end of the festival season in Edinburgh. The backdrop was a pond in a city park lit by a spectacle of fireworks and music from a castle towering above. I was incredibly drunk on South African Shiraz I had been drinking directly from the bottle and some kind of sickly sweet Irish liquor I would be perfectly happy to never drink again (clichéd much?). But now, it’s the next day, the next week, and I wonder where exactly it goes from here?

So, what’s my final outcome? Love is love. Be it in Paris, Venice, Edinburgh, or New Orleans. Perhaps the romantic ideal of finding one’s perfect love in a foreign land is clichéd. But really, it’s just that love itself is, for some people, a regular part of life. No matter how far, or fast, I run. No matter where I go, I will always find myself faced with my own soul, and thus my own predisposition for love. As I get older and live through more heartbreaks and letdowns each one becomes less and less painful. But, the cycle does not end. I will probably not make the wisest decision in this current situation, nor will I probably make the best decisions regarding love in the future. It is not in my nature to do the logical when dealing with the whims of my heart. But I will let the current take me, and what will be, will be.